• EWJ

A Cat Named Ted

By: Charles Xue


Yesterday, I was captured by pirates

Let me tell you how

It started on an island

And for some reason, I was riding a cow


I saw a distant ship

It was headed towards me!

I looked down at my pants

And for some reason, there was a rip


Help! Help! I shouted

“Hello!” yelled a pirate

“Me name’s Ted!” said another

And for some reason, my cow turned violet


They took me aboard their ship

I realized I was starving

They offered me food

And for some reason, they only had catnip


“What kind of pirates are you?” I asked

“The kind that keeps cats,” said Ted

And then I saw the cat

And for some reason, it was masked


“Why put a mask on a cat?” I asked

“Cats are like gods to us,” said Ted

“Why do you only have catnip?” I asked

And for some reason, I woke up in bed





Turns out it was all a dream

But when I went downstairs

I found catnip the color of cream

And for some reason, I thought I’d gone insane


Right then, my cat walked in

Branded with a collar and mask

I looked at his collar

And for some reason, it said Ted


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